Differentiating Self-Pity from Genuine Lamentation in Prayer

Lamentation, as a form of prayer, involves direct address to God, expressing deep sorrow or complaint, often in response to suffering or calamity ^{[3, 4]}. It is distinct from self-pity in its orientation towards God and its underlying acknowledgment of divine justice, even amidst pain ^{[11, 12]}.

Biblical examples illustrate the nature of lament. The book of Lamentations itself is an extended elegy, or dirge, expressing profound grief ^[4]. While the prophet cries out that God has shut out his prayer ^[2], there is also an internal reflection: "Why does a living man complain, a man for the punishment of his sins?" ^[1]. This question suggests an awareness of personal culpability and God's righteousness in affliction, even when the suffering feels overwhelming ^{[11, 12]}. David's laments over Saul and Jonathan (2 Samuel 1:17-27) and over Abner (2 Samuel 3:33-34) are further examples of this poetic form used in mourning ^[4].

Genuine lamentation, therefore, involves a "pouring out the soul before the Lord" ^[3]. It is an "intercourse of the soul with God" ^[3], where the individual brings their distress, even their complaints, directly to the divine presence. This act presupposes a belief in God's personality, ability, and willingness to engage with humanity ^[3]. Such prayer can be oral or mental, occasional or constant, and may take various forms, including supplication and crying to heaven ^[3]. The earnestness of prayer is often linked to the severity of the affliction, as seen in the lepers who "lifted up their voices" in earnest appeal to Jesus ^[14].

The distinction between lament and self-pity lies in several key aspects:

Orientation: Lamentation is God-ward. Even when expressing profound pain or questioning God's actions, the focus remains on God as the recipient of the prayer. Self-pity, conversely, tends to be self-focused, dwelling on one's own suffering without necessarily seeking divine intervention or understanding.
Acknowledgment of Sin: In genuine lament, there is often an underlying or explicit acknowledgment of sin and God's justice. The prophet in Lamentations, for instance, asks why a living man should complain about the punishment for his sins ^[1]. Matthew Henry notes that when in trouble, it is fitting to "justify God, by owning our sins" ^[12]. This confession of guilt is a condition for the manifestation of divine favor, even if it does not merit mercy ^[13].
Purpose: The purpose of lament is not merely to express sorrow but to engage with God in the midst of it, seeking His intervention, understanding, or comfort. It is a means of "drawing near to God" ^[3]. Self-pity, however, can lead to a cycle of despair that does not actively seek resolution or divine communion.
Absence of Malice or Deceit: True lamentation is characterized by uprightness and sincerity ^[6]. It is free from malice, which springs from an evil heart and is incompatible with the worship of God ^[5]. Similarly, deceit, which is falsehood and comes from the heart, is abhorred by God and should be avoided by saints ^[7]. Lament, in its purest form, is an honest, unvarnished presentation of one's heart to God.

The Lord's Prayer, given by Jesus as a model, exemplifies simplicity and direct address to God as Father, contrasting with "vain repetition" ^[8]. While not a lament in itself, it demonstrates the direct, sincere approach to God that underpins all genuine prayer, including lament. Paul's prayers, such as his final blessing in 2 Thessalonians, also highlight a consciousness of the Lord Jesus' presence and a desire for peace, even amidst challenging circumstances ^{[9, 10]}.

Sources

Lamentations “Why does a living man complain, a man for the punishment of his sins? -- Lamentations 3:39”
Lamentations “Yes, when I cry, and call for help, he shuts out my prayer. -- Lamentations 3:8”
Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Prayer — Is converse with God; the intercourse of the soul with God, not in contemplation or meditation, but in direct address to him. Prayer may be oral or mental, occasional or constant, ejaculatory or formal. It is a "beseeching the Lord" (Ex. 32:11); "pouring out the soul before the Lord" (1 Sam. 1:15); "praying and crying to heaven" (2 Chr. 32:20); "seeking unto God and making supplication" (Job 8:5); "drawing near to God" (Ps. 73:28); "bowing the knees" (Eph. 3:14). Prayer presupposes a belief in the personality of God, his ability and willingness to hold inter”
Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Lamentation — (Heb. qinah), an elegy or dirge. The first example of this form of poetry is the lament of David over Saul and Jonathan (2 Sam. 1:17-27). It was a frequent accompaniment of mourning (Amos 8:10). In 2 Sam. 3:33, 34 is recorded David's lament over Abner. Prophecy sometimes took the form of a lament when it predicted calamity (Ezek. 27:2, 32; 28:12; 32:2, 16).”
Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Malice — Springs from an evil heart -- Mt 15:19,20; Ga 5:19. Forbidden -- 1Co 14:20; Col 3:8; Eph 4:26,27. A hindrance to growth in grace -- 1Pe 2:1,2. Incompatible with the worship of God -- 1Co 5:7,8. Christian liberty not to be a cloak for -- 1Pe 2:16. Saints avoid -- Job 31:29,30; Ps 35:12-14. The wicked Speak with. -- 3Jo 1:10. Live in. -- Tit 3:3. Conceive. -- Ps 7:14. Filled with. -- Ro 1:29. Visit saints with. -- Ps 83:3; Mt 22:6. Pray for those who injure you through -- Mt 5:44. Brings its own punishment -- Ps 7:15,16. God requites -- Ps 10:14; Eze 36:5. Pun”
Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Uprightness — God is perfect in -- Isa 26:7. God has pleasure in -- 1Ch 29:17. God created man in -- Ec 7:29. Man has deviated from -- Ec 7:29. Should be in Heart. -- 2Ch 29:34; Ps 125:4. Speech. -- Isa 33:15. Walk. -- Pr 14:2. Judging. -- Ps 58:1; 75:2. Ruling. -- Ps 78:72. The being kept from presumptuous sins is necessary to -- Ps 19:13. With poverty, is better than sin with riches -- Pr 28:6. With poverty, is better than folly -- Pr 19:1. They who walk in Fear God. -- Pr 14:2. Love Christ. -- Song 1:4. Countenanced by God. -- Ps 11:7. Delighted in by God. -- Pr 1”
Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Deceit — Is falsehood -- Ps 119:118. The tongue, the instrument of -- Ro 3:13. Comes from the heart -- Mr 7:22. Characteristic of the heart -- Jer 17:9. God abhors -- Ps 5:6. Forbidden -- Pr 24:28; 1Pe 3:10. Christ was perfectly free from -- Isa 53:9; 1Pe 2:22. Saints Free from. -- Ps 24:4; Zep 3:13; Re 14:5. Purposed against. -- Job 27:4. Avoid. -- Job 31:5. Shun those addicted to. -- Ps 101:7. Pray for deliverance from those who use. -- Ps 43:1; 120:2. Delivered from those who use. -- Ps 72:14. Should beware of those who teach. -- Eph 5:6; Col 2:8. Should lay aside”
Matthew (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Matthew 6:9: 6:9-13 The Lord’s Prayer is similar in form to a common Jewish prayer (the qaddish). Jesus gave this prayer to his followers as a succinct expression of their new faith. 6:9 Pray like this: In contrast to the vain repetition of pagan prayers (6:7-8), “the Lord’s Prayer” is a model of simplicity. • Jews rarely addressed God as Father, but Jesus did so in every prayer but one (Mark 15:34). • may your name be kept holy: God’s name is profaned by the sin of his people (Isa 29:22-24; Jer 34:15-16; Ezek 39:7; Amos 2:7).”
2 Thessalonians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 2 Thessalonians 3:16: 3:16 The final prayer echoes Jesus’ blessing in John 14:27 (cp. Num 6:26) and contrasts with the situation these believers faced in Thessalonica (2 Thes 1:4-10; 1 Thes 2:14). Paul was always conscious of the Lord Jesus’ presence with his people (Rom 15:33; Phil 4:9).”
2 Thessalonians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 2 Thessalonians 3:16: Lord of peace--Jesus Christ. The same title is given to Him as to the Father, "the GOD of peace" (Rom 15:33; Rom 16:20; Co2 13:11). An appropriate title in the prayer here, where the harmony of the Christian community was liable to interruption from the "disorderly." The Greek article requires the translation, "Give you the peace" which it is "His to give." "Peace" outward and inward, here and hereafter (Rom 14:17). always--unbroken, not changing with outward circumstances. by all means--Greek, "in every way." Most of the oldest manuscript”
Lamentations (Lutheran) “Keil & Delitzsch on Lamentations 3:40: Confession of sins, and complaint against the cruelty of enemies, as well as over the deep misery into which all the people have sunk. Lam 3:40-42. The acknowledgment of guilt implies to prayer, to which also there is a summons in Lam 3:40, Lam 3:41. The transitional idea is not, "Instead of grumbling in a sinful spirit, let us rather examine our conduct" (Thenius); for the summons to examine one's conduct is thereby placed in contrast with Lam 3:39, and the thought, "let every one mourn over his own sins," transformed into a prohibition of sinful complai”
Lamentations (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Lamentations 3:42: It is easier to chide ourselves for complaining than to chide ourselves out of it. The prophet had owned that a living man should not complain, as if he checked himself for his complaints in the former part of the chapter; and yet here the clouds return after the rain and the wound bleeds afresh; for great pains must be taken with a troubled spirit to bring it into temper. I. They confess the righteousness of God in afflicting them (Lam 3:42): We have transgressed and have rebelled. Note, It becomes us, when we are in trouble, to justify God, by owning our s”
Psalms (Lutheran) “Keil & Delitzsch on Psalms 51:3: Substantiation of the prayer by the consideration, that his sense of sin is more than superficial, and that he is ready to make a penitential confession. True penitence is not a dead knowledge of sin committed, but a living sensitive consciousness of it (Isa 59:12), to which it is ever present as a matter and ground of unrest and pain. This penitential sorrow, which pervades the whole man, is, it is true, no merit that wins mercy or favour, but it is the condition, without which it is impossible for any manifestation of favour to take place. Such true conscious”
Luke (Methodist/Wesleyan) “Adam Clarke on Luke 17:13: They lifted up their voices - They cried with one accord - they were all equally necessitous, and there was but one voice among them all, though ten were engaged in crying at the same time. As they were companions in suffering, they were also companions in prayer. Prayer should be strong and earnest, when the disease is great and inveterate. Sin is the worst of all leprosies; it not only separates those to whom it cleaves from the righteous, but it separates them from God; and nothing but the pitying heart and powerful hand of Christ Jesus can set any soul free from ”

Ask Your Own Question