Healthy Boundaries in Christian Dating Relationships
Christian dating relationships, like all aspects of Christian conduct, are understood within the framework of God's will and ethical principles [4]. The foundation for healthy boundaries in these relationships stems from biblical teachings on holiness, sexual purity, and love.
A core principle is that God's will for believers is holiness, which encompasses all aspects of life, including sexual conduct [4]. The Greek term porneia, often translated as sexual immorality, refers to any sexual union outside of marriage [4]. Therefore, Christian dating relationships are expected to maintain boundaries that uphold this standard, reserving sexual intimacy for the covenant of marriage. The Apostle Paul emphasizes this in 1 Thessalonians 4:3, stating, "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality" [4].
The New Testament further clarifies the sanctity of the body and its connection to Christ. Believers are spiritually joined to Christ, and their bodies are considered "parts of Christ" [5]. This union means that Christians are not free to violate their bodies through sexual sin [5]. This teaching implies that physical intimacy in dating relationships should be approached with an understanding of the body as a temple of the Holy Spirit and a member of Christ [5].
While marriage is presented as God's ordained remedy for sexual temptation [6], dating relationships, by their nature, exist outside this marital covenant. Therefore, boundaries in dating are crucial to prevent actions that would be considered porneia. Matthew Henry, a Nonconformist commentator, notes that the Apostle Paul provides directions about marriage as a remedy for fornication [6]. This suggests that before marriage, individuals are called to abstain from sexual acts.
The concept of love in Christian relationships also informs boundary setting. The "new command of holy love" is essential for vital religion [7]. This love is not merely an emotion but involves acting in consideration of the other person's spiritual well-being and honoring God. This means avoiding actions that could lead another person into sin or compromise their walk with God.
Furthermore, Christian conduct involves following God and Christ's example, obeying God's commandments, and living righteously [1]. This broad call to conduct oneself "soberly, righteously, and godly" (Titus 2:12) extends to dating relationships, requiring self-control and adherence to ethical standards [1]. The company of wicked men is considered dangerous and offensive, implying a need for discernment in choosing partners and setting boundaries that protect against negative influences [3].
The Bible also addresses the mutual responsibilities within marriage, where sexual intimacy is a right and duty for both spouses, not to be withheld or abused [2]. This marital context highlights the distinct nature of dating relationships, where such rights and duties do not yet exist. Therefore, boundaries in dating serve to differentiate it from marriage and uphold the unique covenantal aspects of marital intimacy.
Sources
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Conduct, Christian — Believing God -- Mr 11:22; Joh 14:11,12. Fearing God -- Ec 12:13; 1Pe 2:17. Loving God -- De 6:5; Mt 22:37. Following God -- Eph 5:1; 1Pe 1:15,16. Obeying God -- Lu 1:6; 1Jo 5:3. Rejoicing in God -- Ps 33:1; Hab 3:18. Believing in Christ -- Joh 6:29; 1Jo 3:23. Loving Christ -- Joh 21:15; 1Pe 1:7,8. Following the example of Christ -- Joh 13:15; 1Pe 2:21-24. Obeying Christ -- Joh 14:21; 15:14. Living To Christ. -- Ro 14:8; 2Co 5:15. To righteousness. -- Mic 6:8; Ro 6:18; 1Pe 2:24. Soberly, righteously, and godly. -- Tit 2:12. Walking Honestly. -- 1”
- 1 Corinthians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Corinthians 7:3: 7:3-4 Because of the temptation to sexual immorality, married Christians must always be considerate of the sexual needs of their spouses. Sexual intimacy is a mutual right for both spouses in a marriage and must not be withheld. Marriage includes yielding the authority over one’s body to one’s spouse, though such authority is clearly not to be abused.”
- CCEL/NPNF (Eastern Orthodox) “John Chrysostom, Homilies on John & Hebrews: Commandments, keeping them the test of Christian love, 275 , 276 . Communion, of Christians, depends on holiness, 89 ; joins men to the Body of Christ, 166 ; absolute necessity of, 168 ; to be understood spiritually, 169 . Company of wicked men dangerous and offensive, 206 . Conception of the Blessed Virgin, accredited in the Old Testament, 92 . Concubinage, sanctioned by heathen philosophers, 50 . Condescension, lessens not greatness, 38 . Confession, a way to pardon, 29 ; not needful to Christ, 59 ; best made by good works, 72 ; Nathanael's and Pe”
- 1 Thessalonians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Thessalonians 4:3: 4:3 God’s will is for you to be holy: The foundation of Christian ethics is not philosophical speculation about virtue but doing God’s will (Rom 12:1-2; Eph 6:6; Heb 10:36; 13:20-21). Holiness (1 Thes 4:4, 7) embraces all of a person’s life (5:23); here it involves staying away from sexual sin (Greek porneia, any sexual union outside marriage).”
- 1 Corinthians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Corinthians 6:15: 6:15-17 To be a Christian is to be spiritually joined to Christ in both life and death (cp. Rom 6:3-11). As a result, believers’ bodies have become parts of Christ (cp. 1 Cor 12:12-28; Rom 12:4-5). This spiritual union (cp. John 14:20; 17:21-23) means that they are not free to violate their bodies by physical union with a prostitute.”
- 1 Corinthians (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on 1 Corinthians 7:1: The apostle comes now, as a faithful and skilful casuist, to answer some cases of conscience which the Corinthians had proposed to him. Those were things whereof they wrote to him, Co1 7:1. As the lips of ministers should keep knowledge, so the people should ask the law at their mouths. The apostle was as ready to resolve as they were to propose their doubts. In the former chapter, he warns them to avoid fornication; here he gives some directions about marriage, the remedy God had appointed for it. He tells them in general, I. That it was good, in that junct”
- 1 John (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on 1 John 2:12: This new command of holy love, with the incentives thereto, may possibly be directed to the several ranks of disciples that are here accosted. The several graduates in the Christian university, the catholic church, must be sure to preserve the bond of sacred love. Or, there being an important dehortation and dissuasion to follow, without the observance of which vital religion in the love of God and love of the brethren cannot subsist, the apostle may justly seem to preface it with a solemn address to the several forms or orders in the school of Christ: let the inf”